[Fiction] Friday: Needing To Change
[Fiction] Friday Challenge for July 3rd, 2009:
Where your character is committed to a drastic or extreme change
Needing To Change
His body was tense as he rushed into the clinic. Finally he was in and slammed the door, vowing in his head to not leave if he didn’t get what he wanted. His face was flushed and he tried to block out the rage, the hate that continued unabated outside. The wrath of god, they chanted, would judge him.
Her, he corrected.
Why did they hate him so much? They didn’t even know him, know why he was doing this, or how it would hurt them. But still they chanted. The clinic was beseiged by hate.
The walls rattled as fists crashed against the outside. Her jolted at the movement and the sound.
“Jeremy, perhaps you need to take a seat up the back of the building,” the receptionist said. She darted from behind the desk. He had barely noticed her or the world around him as he stood bewildered in the middle of the waiting room.
As Jeremy shuffled down the corridor, the banging continued, weighing against the chair that the receptionist used to block the door.
***
The light shone down on him. He was almost blinded by it, but could make out masked men on the border of his vision.
The banging was closer this time; perhaps they’d made it inside?
One of the eyes above a mask darted a look toward where Jeremy could not see. “You sure you want to go through with this?” he asked.
The door to the operating theatre rattled. Jeremy mustn’t have heard it, or he ignored it. He nodded.
“Put me under doc, and I don’t want to wake up unless I wake up as who I was meant to be.”
Technorati Tags: Fiction Friday, Flash Fiction, writing, horror
There are 3 Comments to "[Fiction] Friday: Needing To Change"
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Good one! Nice description of the main character, really thought that it was a certain kind clinic, only to realize it was another certain kind of clinic.
mine at :
http://anandserpi.wordpress.com/2009/07/03/my-beloved/
Many apologies for my tardiness on giving feedback – I have been without the internet for a lifetime –nearly a fortnight. Visitors can find my FF for 3rd July here – http://annieevett.blogspot.com/2009/06/your-essence.html
I’d suspected it was an anti abortion protest your character had walked through – but discrimination and hate looks the same from that angle no matter the cause.
Although I liked the second part of the story as it made the reader wonder if the character had been captured or was being interrogated, and I understand the mechanics of WHY you put the line in about “ are you sure?” for a reality check I am afraid that this line would never be spoken by a doctor or medical staff at that late stage of an operation of this magnitude. It gave me a jolt as I had been really enjoying the tension and description, but this left field, unprofessional line was out of character and place in your story. I am sure you are well aware of the extensive clinical counseling, hormone treatments and minor operations which would have taken place before the last major one was to be undertaken.
As a story it held together well and I really enjoyed it – pace tempo and tension perfectly balanced.
Annie. Thanks for the feedback.
The story wasn’t really thought through, just flowed as it came. The “are you sure?” question was more directed at the transphobic protesters outside. Did he really want to be put under aesthetic when there was the chance these guys would break in? What you they do?