Comments on: Mutated

By: Laurie

Laurie — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 10:20:26 +0000

I was expecting a mutation more like, oh, turning into a monkey or the walking dead or something. To me, it didn’t feel authentic, and I don’t think it’s just the lazy slacker being promoted. I think there just wasn’t enough of a reason for me to get emotionally invested in the characters – I didn’t like either one of them. Nevertheless, you have a good writing style with a smooth flow.

By: albino_squid

albino_squid — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 07:48:15 +0000

This is a fun piece of flash fiction, especially in the dialogue between Brad and his former friend now boss. When I first started reading this, I was wondering what kind of ‘mutation’ Brad’s friend undergoes, but the change turns out to be quite ironic. I know some friends who are now mere acquaintances because of the negative changes in their personalities.

By: Kathleen Frassrand

Kathleen Frassrand — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 01:39:00 +0000

Loved this piece. I was completely engrossed in the dialogue. It was believable and real. I do have one tiny issue…. if the boss really didn’t know that it was “that” Brad he was firing, then the whole going for a beer thing makes sense. But the end needed better explanation. The way you wrote the last paragraph makes it sound as if the boss was just using it as an excuse that he thought he was firing a different Brad. If it WAS just an excuse, then the whole beer thing up above didn’t gel for me.

Overall, this is a great read. Nice job.

By: Crystal

Crystal — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 21:05:55 +0000

Loved it! For such a brief glimpse into the lives of these characters, they felt very real to me.

Great work!

By: Kate Boddie

Kate Boddie — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 19:39:08 +0000

Is it wrong that I sympathized more with the promoted guy? A real friend would tell a friend that he’s screwing up instead of letting him ride. I actually had no sympathy for the MC at all, really. Perhaps if he had the capability to grow up and realize that his luck was going to run out one day, perhaps it wouldn’t have come as such a shock.

I also found it a little unfeasible that this man who was seemingly as big of a slacker as his friend was able to get a promotion. I would have liked to see a little more information on the how’s around that so it doesn’t look like someone in upper management went ‘eeny, meeny, miny, mo’ and chose someone at random.

Overall, an excellent read! The tone was excellent and portrayed emotion well.

By: Jay Young

Jay Young — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 21:08:36 +0000

What an enjoyable read (especially for a cubicle monkey such as myself). It hooked me at the start and the dialogue popped. I did notice 3 or 4 spelling errors, though so you might want to do a little clean up, but other than that I loved it.

By: bunnygirl

bunnygirl — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 04:45:04 +0000

It seems odd that such a total slacker would get promoted to boss, but I have seen the effects close-up of someone getting a little bit of authority and a heaping dose of ego and ambition on the side. It looks about like this. Fun take on the theme!

By: Arachne Jericho

Arachne Jericho — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 16:33:10 +0000

I loved this piece and your take on transformation–the transformation of someone’s personality when they become “One of Them”. It’s awesome!

By: ello

ello — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 00:54:03 +0000

This was an interesting piece. THere was some grammatical problems but I liked the set up and where it was going but the conclusion was a bit abrupt.

By: Anne

Anne — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 06:00:54 +0000

Hi Benjamin, I really enjoyed this – I totally “got” the position of the MC – his friend has become corporate and worse, he’s the new boss. It’s easy to relate to the story and the banter back and forth was palpable. It was all very real.

The ending threw me off a little since you had written “Will you come for a beer if you know that not going will mean you don’t come in on Monday?” That had sounded like a threat more than a premonition. There might be a smoother way to go about it. But that’s a small detail.

Really nice job! & I love your website. You are obviously very talented.

By: Serena Casey

Serena Casey — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 20:22:57 +0000

I like that the narrator uses the word “mutated” to describe the drastic change in his one-time friend. The transformation in his work ethic is sort of repeated in several different ways, but I would have liked a few more details on how and why he changed. Good job, though.

I’ve only read four or five entries so far, but it’s fascinating to see the variations on the theme!

By: Catherine J Gardner

Catherine J Gardner — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 15:36:02 +0000

Benjamin,

Excellent characterisation in this short piece, giving a real sense of who both of them are and then twisting it a little at the end.

Cate

By: Cath

Cath — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 14:47:29 +0000

What I enjoyed about this is the contrast in the transformation between the boss and the unwillingness of the narrator to transform along with him.